She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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