On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
