Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
