i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
