Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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