So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
