What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
