I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
