My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
