She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
