I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
