brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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