When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
