Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
