I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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