I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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