I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
