i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
