I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
