You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
