Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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