you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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