Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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