i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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