just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
