he wants to bone in the snuggie
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My pussy is not your playground.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
