My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
