I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
