i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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