ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
