i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
