the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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