I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
