You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
