so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
