My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
