i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
