Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
