what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
