i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
