Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
