I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
