I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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