Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
only you would photoshop your dick
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
