if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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