How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize