Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
