People in love make me want to vomit
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
