I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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