Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
