I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you never un-have a 4some
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
