I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
