Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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