I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize