So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
