Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
