I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
