She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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