Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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