He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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