NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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