i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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