Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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