My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize