Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's like heaven, but drunker
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
