A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
