You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
