She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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