He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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