Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
