i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
