My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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