he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
