I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize