I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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