Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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