you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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