Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The Olympian is in my bed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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