I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
