Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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