Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
