hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someone shattered a urinal.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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