His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize