He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
