Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
do herpes really smell.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
