I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
