nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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