she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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