I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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