Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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